Oh Flo

It's so hard to form a concrete opinion on Flo. And usually I'm so good at that. ICYHBWTALL Flo is the star of the series of Progressive Auto Insurance commercials. She combines a tremendous amount of enthusiasm about saving people money with a witty repartee with customers, as well as a subliminal sexuality that makes those 30 seconds between the banality of other commercials pop. If my description is lacking, see for yourself:

Flo's real name is Stephanie Courtney. Having two first names aside, she seems to have led a kinda boring pre-Flo life. She's from Stony Point, New York, which is I guess not New York City. She was in the Groundlings improv group in Los Angeles, which is famous in the improv world, although personally I don't believe that creativity exists in Los Angeles, or outside the East Coast really. She's 39. She just got married in November (booo!!!) to the lighting director of Groundlings as well. She has been a second rate stand up comedian. She's been in a couple of movies and shows including Mad Men and Cavemen and couple of other commercials. She has said about her cult following, which have called her things like 'babelicious,' "That is so weird." She said it takes about two hours to put on her makeup to do the commericials. Because of her adoring following, she has been signed for another year to do the commercials (yessssss). That is the last I will speak of Stephanie Courtney, because I do not want to think of her as a real person. To me she is just Flo, for better or for worse.






Flo is incredible in that she is able to walk the line between cute and annoying, frequently both. Some of the commercials she bubbles with personality, such as when she adds, "I wrote that myself" at the end of the above. But other times she's just annoying, and you wish Flo could just stop shouting or being so damn enthusiastic about being a cashier. At an insurance company. I mean, really. But there's something more, something deeper about Flo. There's a reason why she has a cult internet following, and probably a way bigger IRL following. It's Flo's inchoate sexuality. She's hot. Or is she? Isn't she really kind of ugly? No, she's definitely hot sometimes. No, but come on, seriously? Flo?! Flo? Flo.


Flo provokes such mixed reactions, prose alone cannot comprehend her, so I wrote a poem.

Flo
I can't get you out of my mind
When you come on after a smooth driving Lexus
Or talking puppets
Or that guy with creepy long hair that draws on whiteboards for UPS
Or cavemens

Flo get out of my head
It is not okay that you were in my dream the other night
Flo stop talking
Your voice is brittle and shrill

Your modish headband and garish lipstick make me swoon

Your clever comments light my fire

You should bottle your personality and sell it

Make it a brand that people could identify with the great name of Progressive

Flo your arms are fat
And you're old
And just shut up already
And, like, ew.

I can picture us together Flo
The two of us

Getting old together

Saving so much money

Flo I would buy you the most tricked out nametags

And one for the road.

Come on, what's she really thinking about?