$2,500,000,000,000

Ben Bernanke doin' what he do best.

A look at the financial crisis, and the remedy, from noted theorist and friend TSwann (pronounced like Tsar).

$2,500,000,000,000

By Tyler Swann

We the people (Read: the government (editor's note: the democratically elected representative government chosen by the majority of the nation)) have just spent $2,500,000,000,000 on bailouts of all sorts. Whether those bailouts were the right remedy for our current economic mess is a debate for another day. Today I want to take a minute to think about that number that’s already down the tubes: two-point-five trillion. Let’s be honest, neither you nor I really have an idea how big that number is, but I’ll give it my best shot. To start, I’ve got to quote my boy Mitch McConnell (R-Ky): “To put a trillion dollars in context, if you spend a million dollars every day since Jesus was born (editor's note: Mitch McConnell would find a way to stick Jesus in there somewhere), you still wouldn't have spent a trillion.” Now multiply that by two and a half. Damn son. Maybe you’re more of a Buddha or Muhammad guy, but that’s a lot of dough.

For all the Penn students reading this, you could put about 12,500,000 kids through four years at school with that much cash. According to the EPA— though I have no idea how or why—a human life is worth approximately $6.9 million (editor's note: seriously only a Wharton student would use the dollar quantification of a human life as a source of evidence for a point). You could buy (?) 36,000. In the market for a good military conflict? Not only could you get an Iraq war, you could get 3 and a half! Since the point of the money is to stimulate the economy, let’s think for a second about productivity. On the agreement of his release from prison, Michael Vick is working a $10 an hour construction job to help ease his dog-slaughtering self back into civilized society. Even factoring in overtime pay (A brother’s got to pay the bills), you could hire his services for 19 million years straight. Alternatively, you could buy Mexico’s entire GDP (Chalupas on the house!) and throw in all of Australia’s too for good measure.

So what does this really mean to you? I think the most telling statistic is that this sum of money divides to $8,200 for every man, woman, and child in the US and that figure is growing in both principal and interest. It shouldn’t come as a shock that Uncle Sam is going to be looking to a certain generation to pick up the tab. Now I’m not suggesting you downgrade that grande mocha twist frappucinno to tall on your next run to Starbucks, but just keep in mind that that big bill is looming, and it isn’t going away.