Terminally Illadel

Phillies Go Hard

2009-11-04T13:44:00.007-05:00

Amazing.

People say this one is dumb but I like it.

If nothing else, and really there is a lot else, then the Phillies being in the world series has brought the city together a little bit. Or at least putting us on the same page and have something in common. Last night at work I talked to a grizzly old cop and a very preppy mom about the phils, and just a lot of people were talking about it. Like probably the two dudes above wouldn't have a lot to talk about normally, one is clearly a black muslim, probably met Freeway at the local masjid and has clearly never seen a macbook. The other one has molded his speech pattern to be more like the top, probably grew up in like mt. airy but told people he was from "around germantown" and graduated from/dropped out of/is at Temple with a degree in urban studies, and obviously loves his macbook. And would not ever talk to "Jakk Frost" in a normal situation. But now they can. Cause the Phillies are in the world series. And isn't that like sweet. Hopefully they still will be after tonight. Oh here's one more, which is really lame but there's some cool footage and he uses my word in the chorus THATS PREPOSS!

Sometimes when I'm on the subway going down to the game I think about what the Phillies are doing at that time in the clubhouse. Here are my guesses to their pregame rituals:

Pedro Martinez
Probably fighting chickens/saying ridiculous things/comparing other players in the room unfavorably to himself, while smiling.

Carlos Ruiz
Killing stuff, watching it die.

Ryan Howard
Eating a big ol' Black Taco

Chase Utley
Focusing. Dumb question.

Jimmy Rollins
He's probably sitting on one of those folding athletic chairs that moms take to their kids soccer games so they don't have to stand the whole time listening to The Blueprint 3, talking to the press.

Pete Feliz
Sitting on a bench, book open, learning English. Or impeccibly trimming his beard.

Ralph Ibanez
Probably chillin out talking to Jaime Moyer about life and keeping things in perspective.

Shane Victorino
Annoying someone loudly.

Jayson Werth
Bro'in out harder than you can imagine.

Cliff Lee
I imagine that Cliff Lee has a running card game set up on a folding table in the corner of the clubhouse with Scott Eyre, Clay Condrey, Joe Blanton, and Matt Stairs when he's sober enough to play.

Brett Myers
Doing something fucking stupid.

Brad Lidge
Sweating, pacing, breathing shallowly.

Cole Hamels
This.

He's Back Y'all!

2009-10-28T12:42:00.002-04:00

Remeber this guy? Remember that band The Strokes? He's back! This is so exciting for me. He played on Conan last night. It was like that time that AnCo played Letterman. Except for somehow way more awkward. I don't really get it. He was in the biggest band around for years, shouldn't he have a better stage presence? Like he's had a lot of practice. But then I was watching old videos, and nope, he's never been really exciting on stage.

Since the Strokes broke up I've listened to like Albert Hammond Jr.'s album, and it wasn't really that interesting, cause really nothing is like Julian's voice. He sounds older to me. He's not talking about "meet me in the bathroom." He's talking about "America I looked up to you." I'm glad he's making music again. And I'm glad the Strokes are coming out with a new album, someday. And I think the songs are cool.

Jon Kayne, Epicurus, Ryan Ruppert, catchphrases, and "The Good Life"

2009-10-26T23:41:00.006-04:00

We really are just livin' and learnin'

Crashin' and burnin'

You could live your life climbing the ladder and internin'

But you may make a wrong turn and

Besides we all wind up in an urn

And we not gonna return and

One thing that I hope we all learn

Is you may get where you're going

But it wouldn't be too bad to be still or be slowing

And maybe enjoy if you go where you're getting

And do stuff and do you and forget regretting

'Cause the stars not gon' be so bright

As they are right tonight

So look hard at the sky or you'll soon be forgetting

'Cause after so many trips of sunup and sunsetting

It doesn't really matter if you own or subletting

We just need a room with some books

And a girl with good looks

Clean linen, soft sheets, fresh air, and warm bedding.

Seriously Russia?!

2009-10-23T13:55:00.002-04:00

That's fucked up. I mean shake my man's hand.

I didn't know that Russia was a racist country. I don't really think of other countries as having racial biases against blacks. I know that hating A-rabs is big in Western Europe but I didn't really know there was racism like that in Russia. What's that about? You didn't have black slaves. You just made the country people slaves. I am glad that America is finally over racism. Like that time we elected a colored president or the time this song/video was made.

Does anyone know who Deuce Poppi is?

I Am Balloon Boy

2009-10-15T23:00:00.002-04:00

After school i went home and was playing with my older brother
and mom and dad have this totally cool but super secret balloon that can take you anywhere in the world
but they keep it locked up so we can't get in it
but my brother figured out a way to get under the gate that has the balloon in it
and he sneaked me in
and it was sooo cool
and then i got in the balloon
and he said do you want to go up?
and i said yeah
and he said mom and dad will be mad
and i said i dont care
and then he was about to do it
but i got really scared that once i got up i would never be able to come back down again
and i wouldnt ever see my mom or dad or scruff (our dog)
and it made me really sad and i started to cry
and then my brother said well why dont we just make pretend you went up
so i got out
and he made the balloon go up
and it went really high
like real real far up
till we could barely see it anymore
and then i went in the attic
and just stayed there for a long time
imagining what i was doing in the sky
and when our parents got home from their nontraditional jobs
my brother told them that i was up in the balloon
floating over the glorious rocky mountains
where the air is thinner and sweeter
but when the police came
he still told them that i was up in the balloon
but then later when the balloon landed and there was no one inside
they were going to start a search for me
but my brother said no
he's been right here the whole time
and now my parents are worried
and a lil stressed out
and mom has been holding me to her bosom for 4 hours
so i guess i am just home and safe and my mom and dad love me
and i still had a cool imaginary adventure

(which cost the state of colorado millions of dollars)

[this was an extended metaphor.]

Xaphoon You Crazy

2009-10-14T00:06:00.002-04:00

The man himself, Xaphoon Jones up close and personal.

Can't believe I haven't blogged about this sooner. Seriously for those of you who read this who do not already know bout Xaphoon Jones DOWNLOAD HIS FREE MIXTAPE IMMEDIATELY. This is fun music. Oh and by the way I checked HypeMachine today and my man is at fuckin number 1. And by a lot. I'd keep writing but Bad Day just came on at the terminally illadel office so PEACE.

Xaphoon Jones Mixtape Vol. 1 via PMA

BeatlesFest 09!

2009-10-11T21:34:00.003-04:00

Sorry for only posting videos anymore. But's that's basically all I do. So. They say write what you know.

Makes me remember being home and being a lil kid and putting these records on my parents' record player and us dancing around in the living room in my socks. But not dancing too hard because if you pound or jump the record skips.

Have a good day y'all. Much love to da Beatles. I forget how good they were sometimes.

Girls Girls Girls [Album] [Album] [Album]

2009-10-10T16:50:00.004-04:00

This is what I have been listening to most in the past couple of weeks.

Can't wait till they come to da illadel on election day.

Best album of 2k9 since The Merriweather Post Pavilion?

Above is the music video for the single "Lust 4 Life"

Honestly Who Is In Favor of Casinos?

2009-10-08T19:46:00.004-04:00

I just want 2 blog so bad. all i want 2 do is blog. i kno i can b a successful blggr. but i am succumbing to the pressure of schoolwork and i need to do schoolwork. but honestly, who is in favor of casinos?

WFC Phillies

2009-10-07T18:29:00.002-04:00

I don't have any time to write a real post but shall we all just savor this win for a bit?

Yes we shall!

For When People Ask Me What My Deal With Midgets Is

2009-09-30T12:20:00.001-04:00

Well here's your answer right here:

My Bus Ride Home Poem as Texted to Jenny Holt 9.25.09

2009-09-29T01:49:00.007-04:00

12.23am
On the midnight bus after work I'm looking out the window. I'm sitting with drug addicts ex-convicts prostitutes dealers.
12.28am
I'm looking out the window the street lights one after another hit my face. I think germantown avenue is my favorite street in philadelphia.
12.32am
We pass a halal meat market. An older man gives a young mother with a stroller a dollar. He says for the baby. She smiles and says thank you.
12.36am
The baby is shaking.
12.44am
Between a rowhouse in disrepair and papis mini mart is a store that exclusively sells obama stuff. Beneath barack's fairey'd face appear hope change progress.
12.53am
at erie ave a mexican with a deep scar on his cheek drops a pamphlet on the seat next to me. What will you decide? Day of decision. The turning point in your life
1.01am
Temple is solemn. The kids are in their apartments taking their chemicals. The projects are solemn. The residents are in their houses taking their chemicals.
1.09am
I arrive at city hall. I look up at penn standing on his building. The huge yellow clock. I'm here. At least i know where i belong.

Oh Yeah, Hypnotism's Really...Cool: Things I Heard This Summer

2009-09-27T20:46:00.006-04:00

"A year and a day...I could do that in my sleep."
-Hood lookin' G on the trolley

" I go home, I won't be able to sleep at night if, if you're not...not happy with your window treatments."
-Curtains salesman bro

Nobody wants a label, especially one that smacks of dilettantes and sycophants and the New York City art world...Yuck!"
-Dad

"Someone was telling me how to steal cars, nice cars, lamborghinis, maseratis, and they ship 'em down to South America, you know. The rich people, they hear they can get really good prices on sports cars out of South America and they buy they own cars back."
-Papo

"Do it or you can't watch the Eagles' game on Sunday!"
"Dad don't touch me with that...Noooooooo"
-A lil bro and his dad in a stall in the bathroom at the Phils game

I Just Wanna Be Successful: An Exegises on Happiness and Success in Contemporary Society Inspired by Trey Songz and Drake

2009-08-31T20:31:00.003-04:00

I heard this song in the car this morning and I really liked it and not just because the DJ on Power 99 had a lisp and pronounced it Thuccessful by Drake and Trey Thongthz. The first thing that hit me was the minimal beat, a simple snare drum repeating, punctuated by a very audible bass drum (or whatever since they're not really drums at all but electronic pulses) that is, because of the sparseness of the beat, noticeable, not just an invisible force making your rearview mirror buzz. On top of the beat is a spectral hum of synthesized keyboard playing only a few notes over and over. Added to that are just some sung notes and then the lyrics.

The song (if it gains real popularity and even somewhat if it doesn't) represents a change in recent hip hop music. Sure as the air coming through my window is changed from what it was just a couple days ago, colder, darker, preparing me for the cold bite of winter nights, a season away from the balmy august summer weather we were experiencing just a couple days ago Successful is miles away from the indistinguishable music I hear on the radio. Don't get me wrong, the song is a commercial one, comprising many of the same themes we hear in hip hop all the time, but looked at in a different way. Successful is not the banger track of the summer, it is the reflective song of the colder months when we have time to sit alone in our rooms and think, not exhibit ourselves in the heat of a summer.

The chorus, sung in a truly emotional, plaintive voice, is as follows: I want the money/money and the cars/cars and the clothes/the hos/I suppose/ I just wanna be/I just wanna be successful.

A minor "sport" is Greyhound dog racing. Unlike horses, Greyhounds do not have a jockey to guide them around a circle, instead there is a mechanical rabbit attached to a pole that is meant to lure the dogs around a circular track. The dogs try to catch the rabbit, which is always in front of the them and goes just a little bit faster than they can. The first dog wins the race. Here's a video if you can't picture it. Skip to like 25 or 30 seconds.

Dog Racing from MattFM on Vimeo.

If a greyhound ever catches the rabbit or is able to experience it otherwise, it learns that the lure isn't real and it doesn't want to race anymore. Once it learns that that which it chases is false it loses the desire to chase.

Drake says, "I want it all that's why I strive for it," and then goes on to define what success is: money, cars, clothes, hos. But he isn't sure that that is success, he "supposes" it is. Or is he just "supposing" that he wants to be successful? Once he attained those things would he feel fulfilled? Are those things actually what success is? I think Drake mighta found the rabbit. Or maybe he is close, kind of questioning the rabbit. Drake has by now, I'm sure, attained that which he supposes success is. But the "suppose" in the lyrics indicates that Drake isn't sure that he will be happy or fulfilled if he attains "success." Otherwise the song would go "I am certain I want to be successful." Maybe money, clothes, cars, hos, etc. doesn't actually make you happy. It could be that they make you less happy. Consumption is the goal of so many people in this country (and I assume others too but I haven't been to em) and why are so many people unhappy? Does stuff really make you happy? Is owning things the way to fulfillment?

I go with no. Kinda sounds like Drake might agree with me. Why is there a term called midlife crisis? When people who have always been chasing the rabbit in front of them catch it in middle age after decades of working, building up a resume, accrue evrey thing they have thought would give them fulfillment, and then, what? Nothing? When we are in high school you work hard so that we can go to a good college because, of course, a good college degree will put us ahead of the rest of the population, give us an advantage. And when we are in college we work hard so that we can get into a good graduate school or medical school or law school or business school, because that will differentiate us from the rest of the population. We will get a good job and make money and be able to afford cars and clothes, or whatever you are into. And that's gonna work? We are constantly upgrading our objects but we are not constantly getting happier. I thought it was interesting to hear a rap song with this message, if that is at all the message that Drake was trying to make, which honestly I doubt. But that's what art is, the viewer finds their own meaning. Wait is that what art is? What is art?

Chiddy Bang Is Not Dead Long Live Chiddy Bang

2009-08-27T23:27:00.005-04:00

So Chiddy Bang is not over, and we are so not over them. Somewhat contrary to prior coverage here, Chiddy Bang is now basically Chidera "Proto" Anamege backed by producer Noah "Xaphoon Jones" Beresin. And whaddayaknow, they got a new track out. And it's bangin'. Like dirty. It officially premiered on PrettyMuchAmazing.com today. I hope to get an interview with the bros of Chiddy Bang soon. Xaphoon also has a mixtape which is almost done and will be debuted on Sep. 1 on PMA. I've heard some of it, and it sounds outstanding. Outstanding I say!

CHECK DA SONG YO
http://prettymuchamazing.com/mp3/chiddy-bang-pros-freestyle-1-0-xaphoon-jones-remix-pma-premiere

Xaphoon at work

[all photos via jenny f. holt]

File Under Historical Accuracy

2009-08-25T17:26:00.002-04:00

Not sure, but I think this video might have some deep cultural/economic significance. I people might look back on this video as we do those of the 70s and 80s and be like, "Wow, that's what it was like back then."

We run this town. Or do we? Who really runs this town?

I am Just A Bro Sitting on a Bench. I am. I am not. I am. I am. Not.

2009-08-17T01:18:00.002-04:00

I am just sitting on a bench. I know that I am here. I know that I exist. I am just a guy on a bench. Watching people go by. I am just a student that can't afford his $260,000 education. I've got limited FinancialAde. I am a bro in need of money. Anything helps. I drove my mother's Camry downtown to beg for money. I've got nothing to worry about.

I am sitting on a bench

Fully self-aware of my situation and the irony

I am post-ironic

I am post-postmodern

I am a homeless man

With a cat on my head

What could be more postmodern

I do not care if people give me money

Clearly I can afford to support not just myself

But also this feline on my head

And who cares?

It is such a fucked up world

Who cares if I have a cat on my head and I am homeless

Who cares if I am bro-ing out hardcore

With my pinkie and thumb out.

I can code HTLM but I can't find a dependable source of income.

I am post-structural

I am performance

I am art

10 Sentences I Wish, On Second Thought, I Hadn't Said on the First Date

2009-08-06T22:59:00.002-04:00

1. You smell ravenous, like a raven.
2. I look forward to sharing sexually explicit text messages with you when we are away from each other.
3. No, there's no way you could weigh more than I do!
4. Oh, well how about that.
5. I'll be ordering for the lady.
6. I would love to whisper sweet nothings into your ears.
7. That's what she said!*
8. This is definitely one of the top 5 dates I've had at a McDonald's.
9. I'm into pain. (She didn't get I was talking about being a Phillies fan)
10. Do you think you could hurry up with the fries just a little? Not trying to be rude but a new Antiques Roadshow comes on at 8.

*(This might not have been so bad except that I said it after she said, "You want ketchup with that?

I'm Joining the Vegetable Rights Militant Movement

2009-08-05T22:48:00.003-04:00

Man, animal rights? Like seriously what is that? There's no animal Constitution. And why should they have rights but not plants. Plants are just as alive as animals are, right chief? Really plants deserve more credit than animals. I mean, a plant will just stand there. You try to kill a plant? You try to uproot it from its home? A plant just fuckin eats that shit boss. Plant don't give a fuck. Just looks at you. Says YOU WON'T. Fuck is up, a animal will be all running away and shit. Fuck is that? Sack up brah we gon find you. We live everywhere, fuck we invented helicopters and some of us chase you around the woods from out a helicopter (it always comes back to Say-Say Pay-Pay). Shit. And if we don't get you, we just gon get your wife or something. Your cousin. Fuck, maybe your kids. Whereas a plant, at least this bro's a little more realistic, like, "Yeah, you got me, I'm not going nowhere." And you know what's really fucked up, and which is why people are totally wrong about this animal rights, veganism, shit is that we are way worse to plants. Like we will actually peel the skin off a live plant and then devour it. We will take unborn plants, "fruits" or I prefer "plant fetuses" and rip them off the plant and then eat em in front of the parents. Now there's some messed up shit we do in the animal world, but nothing so fucked up as eating their fetuses. Nothing. That's why I'm saying, like we need to get away from this feeling bad for animals. If you are a vegetarian think of what you are doing to the plant kingdom. That's why I'm strictly carnivore, I don't ever eat my vegetables, cause they're not mine. I have compassion. I am going to join the Vegetable Rights Militant Movement. (<3>

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS FREEGAN? I heard that I'm like damn white people really got too bored. Had to create something new. What they only eat and wear post-consumer recycled cardboard? Someone tell me what a freegan is.

I will say one more thing. Yo a venus flytrap. Ain't that some shit. That's a carnivorous plant. Respeck dat.

Who's a Spectocrat?

2009-08-05T11:58:00.004-04:00

Congressman Joe Sestak announced his candidacy for The United States Senate yesterday, challenging Arlen Specter for the Democratic nomination in the spring. Could be an interesting race. Sestak is a young(er) candidate (I know, younger than Specter? But he's 57 so whatever) who is a progressive Democrat, as opposed to Specter who is not actually a Demorcrat at all. Could be interesting. Specter has every endorsement in the known expanse of the universe, Ed Rendell said, "I would tie my infant grandchild to the railroad tracks during peak hours if it meant the U.S.A. Senate would have six more years of Arlen Specter!" Barack Obama's endorsement was a little less excited, "Arlen is... I'll say he's one of the best Jews I know."

The Times of New York reports that Specter has more money than Sestak at $7.5 mil to $4.3 mil.

The only thing is, if this were an open election the Specter would win easy. But it's not. It's a Democrats-are-allowed-to-vote-only election (the best kind) and truth be told, Democrats aren't Republicans, jus tryna spit it raw here, so they may not vote for Specter, who became a Democrat like 2 seconds ago cause he was going to lose the Repub Primary. So like who likes Arlen Spectorino? Independents. Middle of the road (MOTR) D-Crats and Repubs. But among the D-Cratico partay, I don't know it could be more difficult for Specter than originally thought to win, considering Specter was like on Bush's dick (!) for the last 8 years. Do you remember Bush?! That's not doing him any favors with the Mt. Airy crowd. (Although truth be told they're probably going to have the Eugene Debs write-in campaign again, so that's a pretty tough demographic for anyone.)

Here's an in-depth poll.

* * * *

Even though it is 113 days till our collective annual day of thanks, Thanksgiving, I am feeling thankful today. After a couple days of not speaking and spending a lot of time on the couch I am up again and this makes me happy and thankful to be an AMERICAN. I know that if I lived in a bad country like Romania or Africa or Canada I would probably be dead right now, my throat having closed up days ago rendering me unable to breathe. Breathing = Life, transitive property, you get the idea. If I lived in a place like Rumania, where their medicine is still from the Dark Ages they probably would have given me like an original tracheotomy and would've just sliced my gullet open so I could get air in my throat, but like I woulda died from bloodloss. If I lived in Africa I don't even know what they would have done. Probably like torn up some long-ass grass next to their hut and then boiled it with water and have me drink their "potion". They might've chanted over me, which tbh, might be worth it. In Canada the health care system is so bad that you can't see a doctor for 12-18 months, and that's only if it's super serious, it's a 3+ year wait normally. You get what you pay for Healthcare duh.

So I'm glad I live in a place where I can go to the doctor and get antibiotics in the same afternoon.

Me in Rumania

Because I am Bedridden and Can't Talk

2009-08-03T10:06:00.002-04:00

MISS DIS BROAD

Sometime in the middle of the night as I was dozing in and out of consciousness Meet the Press was on and they were talking about ma gurl Sarah Palin. I realize that I miss her and want her back in my life. Read a article in Salon that said Palinskaya is our Ahmadinejad: BLAH BLAH more drivel from the liberal media elite. Reminds me of what the woman Herself said about the MSM when she finally decided to GTFO of Alaska:

"Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that's why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how 'bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin' things up."

No one else can speak like that. Also she's NOT getting a divorce and she'll buss you upside da head if you say she is.

* * * *

Saw dis vid from the new band Major Lazer (Diplo and Switch). I like this song very much but the video wasn't my cuppa chai. However, if you are into dry humping 'big gurls' then by all means enjoy the next three minutes.

On Interconnectedness

2009-07-28T23:10:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking a little bit lately about why I decided to start a blog and why I like blggng and why it matters to me if more or fewer people are reading my blog, and I haven't come up with any good answers. Why blog? I was thinking of writing a long piece about my views on what's going on in Israel and Palestine and how unfair the situation is and write about our biases, but who cares? Probably none of you reading this could care less what my views are on the conflict. And what even does me holding an opinion mean? The best I can tell it is meaningless. Entirely devoid of any weight, certainly my opinions hold no chance of changing anything. The truth is no one's opinions hold that hope save for a select few men (and now woman) in a tightly controlled community of political and (more importantly) military power. So, so what? This blog can't provide news on any topic better than 100 other blogs that specialize in that. It is really just an ego driven microphone. So in the spirit of not really being able to provide anything as well as anyone else, I'm going to post today something I wrote, which I can provide better than any other blog in the interuniverse:

On Interconnectedness

The house was full of people talking and walking around and drinking cheap beer. Groups had formed in various parts of the house. One of these groups congregated around Telemachus, who was firmly planted on the sofa, regaling about his past year spent on the farm. Another, smaller group was upstairs in the bedroom, which consisted of Quentin and the girl he was talking to. A third group was up on the roof, looking at the stars and the moon and talking about how small they felt, and other drunkenly heavy handed topics. The person doing most of the talking was Tomyris, who was also, coincidentally, the drunkest of the group.
Telemachus came from a progressive minded family. His dad was a freelance writer who wrote about “environmental issues.” His older brother lived in Japan and taught English at a grade school and had married a Japanese girl and would probably stay there for the rest of his life, coming home every couple of years for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Telemachus was of average height and slightly overweight in that way that the person would never be described as fat but was soft in the stomach and a little extra flesh on the upper arms and under the chin. He was aware of this, and specifically about the chin line and sported a beard of good length partially for this reason. He wore softly rectangular glasses. Telemachus had three people fanned out around him listening and asking questions. He wore khaki cargo pants with large, empty pockets.
“So you were on a farm this year?”
“Yeah, I lived on a farm in New Hampshire.”
“What was it like? Was it hard work?”
“No I mean it’s physical and tiring but you get used to it. I thought I would have a lot of time to read and stuff, but when you work all day you just want to sleep. Like, literally I looked forward to going to bed from about lunchtime on.”
“That sounds like it sucks.”
“No…”
“Did you get to read though?”
“I mean, some. There was no electricity so it was by lamplight, which felt old fashioned. I was alone a lot. That was nice being alone. I had time to think, and not care about other people.”
“Didn’t other people work on the farm?”
“Yeah there were a couple but I didn’t interact with them often.”
“Was it very lonely? I feel like I would get very lonely.”
“Sometimes. But feeling alone, like really alone, and then dealing with that is productive. I feel like that helped me grow as a person. There was the couple whose farm it was, and they were nice, but when the day was over they would go back to the house. You feel self reliant. I tried to write, but nothing ever turned out, so I stopped.”
The group sat in silence for awhile. Then one person asked,
“And it was…it was a socialist…or…”
“Yeah so it was a ‘socialist farm’ in that the couple shared everything with the workers and sold the surplus for what we couldn’t grow.”
“Did you get paid?”
“Mmhmm, but like not a lot. It was mostly that they provided a house and food.”
“Well if you got paid it doesn’t sound that socialist…haha, I mean,”
“Heh, well I guess it depends to what degree of socialism it was. I really wanted the experience, and I heard about it through my parents’ socialist friends so…”

Upstairs, Quentin was talking to a pretty girl he had been interested in for awhile. He mostly saw her at parties like these. One blurry night they had wetly kissed each other and ended up sleeping the night on the same leather recliner chair, she on his lap. At this time he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands crossed over his legs, she was sitting in the big comfy chair, curled with her feet up on the edge and her knees pulled to her chest. They were both smoking cigarettes.
“I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 14.”
“Oh, wow, I could never do that. I love meat too much. Like I love meat. Steak. Mmm. Hamburgers. Oh yeah. No but that’s totally sweet though. I admire that. Why did you start?”
“I actually started just to be different. Although all my friends also did it, so it wasn’t that different.” She laughs.
“But you’ve stuck with it? That’s commendable.”
“You get used to not eating meat. I don’t want it anymore or think about it. Except sometimes. Like summer barbeques, oh my God that smell. But usually it’s not a big deal.” Laughs. “Actually I think I’m doing it now mostly just to not gain weight, I guess that’s really shallow.”
“Not really. I think we all think about that. Especially the people that seem to not think, not be shallow at all.”
“Yeah I guess so…sometimes.”
“It’s one thing I’m really trying to work on. Just not caring about my image, or the way people perceive me, you know? Like not doing or saying things for effect. Just trying to not care and say and dress the way I want to, for me.”
“But isn’t thinking about it sort of…”
“Like falling into it? Ha, yeah I think about that. I’m afraid it might be. But I think that’s better than not doing anything about it at all. Do you do that? Like say things for effect, or…?”
“Yeah definitely. I think everyone does. Like being vegetarian now. Or whatever else. How I told you about being anorexic when I was younger. I regretted that immediately after I said it, can we talk about something else?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure. Of course.”

Up another flight of stairs Tomyris was sitting on the slate tiles of the roof. Her friend Pat was sitting next to her and there were three people in chairs below them on the deck. Tomyris was a college student. She was short and had short dark hair swept over the side of her face, cutting across her forehead. She was wearing a loose tank top and skinny jeans and flip flops. That night she had had a drinking competition with one of the guys whose house it was and won; he was now in bed. She was basking.
“Yeah, I fucked that motherfucker up didn’t I? Am I right or am I right?”
“Yeah you right dog you right.”
“Amen, I’ll drink to that.” She raised a partially drunk 40 of Olde English to her lips and took a long, deep swallow.
“Ha, I can’t believe you are drinking Olde E.”
“Only the fucking best, Pat.”
“You know that Olde English has different levels of alcohol in different parts of the country?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, like on the east coast it’s 5.9% but in the rest of the country it’s like 7.5% and in Canada it’s 8.”
“Ha, how do you know that?”
“Oh you know, I’m something of an Olde E aficionado.”
“I respeck that Pat. I def respeck that.”
“Will you drink to that?”
“Hell yeah I’ll drink to that,” She takes another swig of the malt beverage. “Fuck, I’ll drink to anything. Name something.”
“Haha, no, no” Pat says, mumbling.
At this point Tomyris stands up, wobbling a little, she sticks out her arms as if she is about to fall back down, but manages to stay upright on the slanted roof. The people on the porch are making animal hand shadows on the wall against the yellow streetlight.
“Watch out there champ. You alright?”
“Yeah, no I’m fine,” she replies. “I’M FIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEEEEEEE,” she shouts into the night. The people on the deck look up. She waves. They return to making shadow puppets. One of them is very good and has quirky voices to go along with the animals he makes. Tomyris shouts to them.
“Guys. Yo guys. I’m an animal. Which one am I?” She raises one leg behind her and stretches both her arms out, chin up.
“You’re a moose!” One of the guys shouts.
“No you fucking moron, I’m a stork! Are you fucking retarded? A moose? Really?”
The guy mumbles to the group. “Looked like a moose. Did you see moose?”
“I saw alligator waiting to chomp on something, you know, like the arms being the jaw?” Said another one of the guys.

“Milking cows is a trip.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well first of all, the udders are surprisingly warm. You know that you are touching a living animal. Makes you understand what milk is rather than just pouring it out of a carton.”
“Do you think you got more perspective on food in general?”
“Oh absolutely. I look at food completely differently. Like I value it more. A chicken gave its life so that I can eat it, you know? When you think about it that’s really a serious thing.”
“Definitely.”
“At the same time I’m glad I don’t have to do it every morning anymore. Modern society is so comfortable. I kind of love it, and at the same time am disappointed in myself for feeling that way.”
“I understand that.”
“Yeah but, oh also, I feel like I have missed out on so much pop culture in this past year. I didn’t have internet or anything and I didn’t really read the newspaper. There was a war in Israel? The Phillies won? I’m like still singing ‘The Thong Song.’”

Quentin and the girl had reached a lull in the conversation. It wasn’t an uncomfortable lull, more like in a sailboat when there is wind but then there is calm but you know that there will be wind again soon. Quentin’s cigarette was finished. He stood up and walked over to the window, opened it, and threw the butt out.
“You want me to take that?” He asked the girl, looking at her cigarette butt.
“Yeah, thanks.”
He walked over to her chair, took hers, and threw it out the window as well. Then he took the beer cap he had been ashing in as well as hers and threw them out the window also.
“You didn’t need to do that.”
“What?”
“You could have just thrown them in the trash.”
Quentin contemplated this and then responded, “Yeah, I suppose you are right.”
“Haha, you ‘suppose?’”
“Yeah…”
“Nothing, it’s just like…Ah yes, I suppose your hypothesis is sustained.”
The two smiled at each other.

“OK, OK, WHAT AM I NOW?” Tomyris stood on one leg, the other bent at her knee. She raised her fists to her elbows and puffed out her chest, the 40 pressing against her small breasts.
“A giraffe?”
“A hen?”
“A turkey!”
“A stork again…that actually looks more like a stork than the last one.”
“NO NO NO NO! I’M A FLAMINGO GUYS! YOU KNOW, WITH THE ONE LEG UP? GET IT? I’LL DRINK TO THAT.”
Tomyris started walking like a hen, pushing out her neck and clucking, across the roof. As she was turning to come back from the end, her foot pivoting on the slanted roof, her weight changed too quickly and she lost her balance. Her momentum was carrying her forward, she unconsciously kicked her feet out so that she would fall backwards, albeit, painfully. She did, and fell back onto her shoulder. The back of her head cracked against the roof, like whiplash from the change of the momentum forwards to falling backwards. This had the effect of giving her a concussion, leaving her temporarily unconscious. As she was on the very edge of the roof, the inertia of falling back on her shoulder caused her body to continue moving to the back and right. Unconsciously, she bumped and rolled off the roof, falling four stories and landing right on the top of her head, causing a sickening splitting crack sound that the people on the roof will in all likelihood never forget.
People walked back and forth through the living room from the stairs to the kitchen and back occasionally. The quieter people listening to Telemachus had dozed off.
“So what are you guys up to? I feel like I’ve talked about myself the whole time.”
“You know, just doing school. Did you drop out of Wesleyan for the farm?”
“Oh, no, I graduated and then didn’t have a job and then moved up there…Alright guys, I think it’s about time I head out of here. It was nice getting to meet you all.”
“Ok, it was really nice getting to meet you, Telemachus. Thanks for sharing your stories.”
“Oh anytime man.”
“One last thing, did you end up liking it?”
“Yes. I think I would like to do it again in the future. Or something like it, maybe start my own. I don’t know.”

Quentin was still talking to the girl.
“Well, it’s getting late, I think I should go. It was really nice talking to you.”
“Yeah, I have really enjoyed talking to you also,” Quentin responded. “I don’t think I’ve had a serious conversation like that in a long time. That was really nice.”
“Yeah, I felt the same way,” the girl said with a smile.
Quentin looked at the girl’s narrow wristwatch ticking. Then her feet. “So do you want to hang out sometime? Continue the conversation?”
“Um, yeah, I could do that. Like when? I’m free all the time, except like when I work.”
“One night this week maybe? We could get something to eat? I mean no big deal if you can’t.”
“No, no I can do that. Like when? I can’t make decisions at all.”
“Maybe Wednesday night?”
“Sure, just like text me later in the week to let me know when.”
“Ok, yeah, no problem.”
“Haha, ok see you then.”
“Ok. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The girl left the room. Quentin lay back on the bed and exhaled loudly. He thought about what they would do next Wednesday.

teh internetz

2009-07-19T09:27:00.005-04:00

I seen this website awhile ago but i think it is the funniest one to come out of the whole user-generated content trend that has gotten big. You know what I mean, it started with FML and people sending in anecdotes but now its like FML, TFLN, I Bang The Worst Dudes, Look At This Fucking Hipster (fuck this dude by the way), This Is Why You're Fat, and now, my favourite, Why The Fuck Do You Have a Kid?. People send in preposterous pictures, each of which asks the question: Why the fuck do you have a kid?

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

Going back though the user generated content idea (I think this is an interesting topic, cause its like a genre of websites that has sort of evolved. iFeel like someone could do a great thesis on this) before all these there was Overheard in New York, and also Post Secret (vomit noises). I don't know which of these came first, my guess would be Post Secret but I rlly dnt know. Does ne one know if there were websites like this that debuted before these two? I don't think my internet consciousness extends back that far.

Gahd Life

2009-07-16T23:28:00.003-04:00

Yo sup? Haven't blggd in awhile not cause I don't want to just cause I don't have any any free time. I am feeling kind of overwhelmed/underwhelmed by my situation. So I'll just throw a few things out there, see what sticks nam sayin?

' I came up with a new word/insult in honor of everyone's favorite benevolently corrupt politician, Vince Fumo. The phrase would be "fucking homo" or a "Fumo" for short. 55 months suk ma dick the bro was really fucking up this cool 'democracy' thing we got going.

A Grade-A 'Fumo'

'' Illadel gettin mo' bike friendly. Wassup Pine and Spruce I'm bout to ride yall. +1 Bike lane -1 car lane.

Not sure what's goin' on in this pixture, think they might just be tryin to show a lot of forms of transportation (how many can you spot?)

''' This last bit is truly bad news. I was thinking of whether to post it at all out of deference, I was thinking of making it its own story, but the band Chiddy Bang is no more. According to sources, rapper/MC Chidera Anamege fucked shit up and screwed people over, wanting to wrest all creative, managerial, and studio control from da otha members {editor's note: Chidera was not my source}. Zach, Pat, and Xaphoon Jones are thinking about starting a new project in the fall, details to follow. As one of Chiddy Bang's loyal fans, and a fan of hip hop music and fun shows I am sad, very sad about this news. I was looking for more progressive music (like a darwin deez remix [yo fuck wit dude, I might do a story on him forreal]). Best of luck gents.

R.I.P.

Roger Federer: The Greatest Player Of All Time

2009-07-08T11:50:00.007-04:00

Roger Federer beat Andy Roddick this weekend, winning his 5th, no, sorry, 15th Grand Slam title, the most anyone has ever won in one lifetime, making Fed TGPOAT. He won in an "unbelievable" match which went 5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14, the longest match (in terms of games played) of all time (due to the Grand Slam rules of no 5th set tiebreaker.) It will duly be called henceforth TGMOAT. Andy was pretty bummed, and I felt for him, but hey.

Nice belt bro (left), Roger celebrates by going home and not having to have sex with Mirka (right)

On the Origin of Blog

2009-07-03T23:34:00.003-04:00

I reached 1,000 hits the other day which I think is cool I guess. I was going to explain this blog in the beginning but I did not do that I just started blogging, so maybe I will try to do that now. The title, Terminally Illadel refers to two things: 1) terminally ill tyler, shortened to t-ill was a nickname I was given during my underclass years on the tennis team. 2) "illadel" or "illadelph" is a term for the city of bro love, Philadelphia, perhaps coined by The Roots with the album Illadelph Halflife, but really they probably heard it from someone else. Terminally Illadel would be a merger, a synthesis of phrases, with the purpose of characterizing the city as well, in this way as terminally ill. The city is terminally ill because its yearly loss of population, it is one of the few cities in the country that is actually losing people (the others are like Detroit and Baltimore, i know) and a city losing people is sick and dying and so I say, terminally ill. Philadelphia is losing people because of its myriad problems, such as violence, but I will save that entry for later. This blog was going to be more political but I have gotten less political. I just don't know that it matters that much anymore. Politics still affect everyone but there is very little access normal people have to the system and nationally, holding political opinions is useless. And besides there's no good races except for Specter/Sestak which is still ages away. Anyhow I will write a lot of stuff on this blog, but the basic, basic theme is that of a fucked up city, what goes on here, and my take on other stuff. I hope you like it and have liked it, and omg Sarah Palin...

R.I.P. people talking about Michael Jackson's death

2009-06-30T21:33:00.004-04:00

Seriously, get over it. Most of you carrying on are not even of the age to have liked Michael Jackson. I just saw this shirt on teh internets and lol'd, and seriously, should we even be mourning MJ? Wasn't he kinda like, a predator?

$15 at CrucialBrutal

I submitted this to the New Yorker

2009-06-29T18:42:00.004-04:00

Two roads diverge in a wood

And I, I took the one more traveled

Cause it had better lighting

And was cleaner.

And I was less likely to get assaulted and robbed becuase the better lighting would make it more likely that the potential assailant would be seen by a potential witness

And that the hypothetical witness would be better able to ID the hypothetical criminal because the hypothetical witness would be able to see his face better because of the better lighting.

And besides there is probably something cooler at the end of this road

Cause otherwise people would take the one less traveled more.

And if it was unkempt

Perhaps a neighborhood group or a kiwi lodge or an AFW Hall or convicted felons would do an adopt-a road-type of deal and make it cleaner.

Although there would be potentially fewer felons

Because I

I am taking the road more traveled.

I miss u blog.

2009-06-26T19:19:00.003-04:00

It's hard out here man. I'm tryna work ma 2 jobs nd i dnt hav time to be blggin all da time. I gotta pay da bills. i gotta pay ma chile supports. i gotta put food on my table and buy pampers every other week for ma kids man. It's hard. I can't just be up all da time bloggin bein a internet personality like i used to, sorry french people that read my blog for idont know what tha fuck yall readin this for i never read a fuckin french blog cant even read that shit what the fuck. but whatever im just stopping in sayin hi. i dont think i can be blggin that much n e more but i'll try hit it up like 1nce 2ice a week fo sure tho. since i gotta lotta stuff saved up ima just hit you with it aint tryna spend time tlkkin abt each one and shit but w/e hope it enriches yr existence and helps u find meaning in this world and weird rock we got floating in space tho of course it cant cuz ultimatley there iz no meaning were just molecules but whatever this hoodie is mad cool.

Dey say dis hoodie supposed to be for people wit autism 2 comfort them in uncomfy situations but i dnt c y it wouldnt help me jus as much cause i freak out or get awkward in social situations too. i think i might get one. i kno there are a lotta people like me too mayb it could b a fashion trend thats also rill useful. dat wuld be cool. dis da blurb:

Leo Chao’s ‘Beagle Scarf’ was created to aid Autistic people in times of stress. Some studies have shown music, textured toys and aromatherapy to be of great benefit in alleviating the stress and discomfort often associated with Autism. The Taiwanese-born, American-raised designer created the scarf which can be gently wrapped around the head. Inlaid speakers rest near, (but not too close) to the ears allowing the hood to play soothing music when activated by the wearer. Customized aroma patches line the hood and pockets with a textured lining are also used within the design. No word yet on whether the design will have a commercial release.

dis da link: http://www.psfk.com/2009/06/hood-to-aid-autism.html.

****

Dis shyt rill funnie 2. I luv it when sports and rap get combined cuz they r 2 of my favorite things. its like birthday cake ice cream. i really fukk wit dat u kno.

****

Nd den i got sum serious shit 2 talk abt. Yo fuck achmadinejad. fukk the bros in iran thats keeping people down. props to the youngbouls dats tryna change shit. i'm really fukkin wit does bros. but fuck ahmadinejad forreal. if he was in ma hood boul woulda found a hollowtip in his grill on some real shit. needs to man up. you lost bro. its over. you gotta deal with it. i think he lost neway. we dont really kno but seems like he did, or at least the young, cool people dont like him and dats good enough for me. dis was a convincing an interesting read yall: http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1904645_1904644,00.html

****

When I was walking over the Walnut st bridge today i saw people in uniforms down at the edge of the riverbank lugging what looked like a body in a tarp that looked like a bodybag onto what looked like a stretcher. Then I looked at the shirts the guys were wearing and they said "Forensics." I was like "oh damn." I took the picture below with my new Nikon D200 with my 80mm zoom fuck is up. I don't know why i wrote 'farewell, heath' on the bottom.

there was this "hipster" couple gawking at the body and i was like 'damn thats a body' out loud and the chick with the dumb looking septum piercing was like 'yeah this neighborhood is not getting better' and i was like 'shut up you dumb bitch thats a river, the body coulda come from anywhere it got dumped duh, if u dnt like it go back to yr stupid ass condo.'

YES YES YES YES U.S.AROUNDS TRENDIEST SUMMER LOOK

2009-06-21T10:38:00.005-04:00

So this blog does not usually cover fashion, but every once in awhile something so colossally awesome comes out that is becomes necessary to cover it. Such is the case with U.S. Arounds, by Cordarounds, an online clothing company that's based in a gargantuan, pant-shaped blimp that hovers above San Francisco and only sold online. As the cordarounds e-mail release says about U.S. Arounds:

"Made in America and made for Americans only, these are, without a doubt, the most patriotic pants ever made."

Tough to disagree. These pants would be perfect for any 4th of July Bar-Be-Que, not only because they were "Hand-stitched by the loving, spectral fingers of Betsy Ross' ghost," but also cause they are dark colored and would hide BBQ sauce lap spills well.

Coming in at $90 USD these pants are well worth their seemingly recession-proof price, although maybe a stretch for some of us who have not found jobs this summer (is it just me or is that like half the people you know? h8 u bad economie.)

As an owner of a pair of the original cordarounds (the wales of the corduroy go horizontal instead of vertical) I can attest to the care and quality with which these cool cool pants were made. And they have neat-o rill deep pockets that you can keep like a whole backpack's worth of stuff in.

So rest assured, if you see me at any sweet BBQs this summer, I will be sporting the coolest pants this great country has ever produced, U.S. Arounds. God bless America.

Bloggin' Abt {Highly} Blggble Music

2009-06-19T12:02:00.004-04:00

I just bought the [highly] bloggable album Bitter Orchestra by the Dirty Projectionists from a very independent record store. Bitter Orchestra is the most hyped record in a long time, probs since Veckatimessedup.

I don't know that Bitter Orca lives up to the buzz. For one, I can't really understand a lot of the lyrics, which I'm sure are tremendously profound since the main bro went to Yale College and probably has an intelligent and enlightened worldview. Am I projecting? Does going to an elite private university, when you probably padded your resume in h.s. with stupid shit that you didn't care about like feeding homeless people or traveling to a thrid world country and taking pictures of poors to post on facebook, make you a better songwriter than say a bro who never went to college?

Regardless, Bitter Orchestra is good but doesn't warrant how hard people have been on it's dick. It's definitely original sounding though, and it sounds sincere and genuine. I don't pick up any irony in the sometimes heavy lyrics. The best lyrics are the simplest ones, such as, "Kiss me with your mouth open," from the song Two Doves. I liked hearing people trying hard and not being self-conscious about it.

Da other thing is this album is pretty low key. I was kinda hoping for a banger in there somewhere.

I just want to like this band. I just want to like this band and be able to bring them up at parties, and impress kute indie girls. I just want to find meaning through intricately constructed music.

Also, tomorrow (Saturday) is the Philebrity/Popped! Music Festival at the Piazza in Northern Liberties. I am going, and recommend others do as well, if for no other reason than to see TuPhace, a local hip hop artist who is extremely talented and plays an awesome live show. He plays at 2 (according to the schedule.)

I'm Just a Bro Tryin Not to Get Puked On or Why I Hate Boston Red Sox Fans

2009-06-14T22:04:00.001-04:00

PHILADELPHIA- The Phillies recently finished a home series against the Red Sox of Boston, losing two out of the three baseball matches. As if that wasn't bad enough, Citizens' Bank Park was infested with Red Socks fans for those three days. Now, I hate a lot of things in this world, but not much is coming to mind that I hate more than Sox fans in the Phillies stadium. Like hello? This ain't yo home, stfu. There are a number of reasons Red Sox fans are the scourge of the species, let me enumerate:

1. Red Sox fans are all white people. In fact I believe the Red Sox are listed in the popular list/book/meme Stuff White People Like. There are two reasons for the lack of diversity among Sox fans: a) Boston generally doesn't allow minorities to live there, and b) the Red Sox fans have created such a stiflingly white culture it is probably uncomfortable or inaccessible for darkies.
2. Most of y'all wasn't even Red Sox fans before 2004 and now you all have been fans forever. Dude you're from Malvern.
2.a) Just 'cause your Sawx hat is faded doesn't mean it's old.
2.b) It's pronounced Sox, Socks. Not Sawx, you pronounce every other word correctly man, goddam.
3. All Red Sox fans are incredibly average. Curved hats, polo shirts, modest beer bellies, khaki shorts and docksiders. For the women, straight brown hair, polo shirts and jeans with white sneakers. And a Sawx hat of course, with the hair through a ponytail in the back.
4. I think Red Sox fans used to be cool/authentic when the team wasn't really that good and they didn't have a ton of hangers-on who labeled themselves a nation. I think they used to expect failure and resign themselves to inadequacy, and hey if they won a little, awesome, but it probably won't last. That's an attitude I can understand and support. That is completely gone. R.I.P. cool Red Sox fans.
5. The Sox used to be the underdogs, the anti-Yankees, but when you start buying players just like the Yankees do, you just become the mini-Yankees. For each Papelbon they have they have a Daisuke or a J.D. Drew.
5. a) Don't get me started on J.D. Drew.

So there you have it. I'm just a bro who hates Red Sox fans and doesn't want to get puked on. It's a simple existence really.

8:30am: 21st & Chestnut: Spring Thunderstorm

2009-06-09T22:16:00.005-04:00

Morning at night.

Oh man oh man it is morning at night or maybe night at morning. It's a thunderstorm downtown. It's so dark it's like night, with lightning that lights up the sky that's so dark it's like night. And the rain is so powerful and it's coming down, just falling down out of the sky like an infinite small waterfall.

But it's so dark the lights in the restaurants make them look so inviting, like refuges from the storm. But there's so much power, and electricity, and energy in the air space that it's impossible not to pick up some of it through my lightning rods like fingers, ears, and elbows. So I don't understand the few people walking around who look like the living, walking, dead. Morning at night. People are huddled under the eaves of churches, waiting until there's less incredible rain in those incredible clouds that's really just one cloud, sitting below the sky but above the buildings, covering the whole city, one giant, charcoal cloud.

I sat in the car with my mom. She pulled over even though we were downtown, and not on the highway. And we had a "moment" or at least I did in my head. With the rain beating the windshield and roof of the car, LOUD, we listened to Frank Sinatra on her old person AM radio station. We sat there craning our necks to look out the windshield at the buildings and the lightning through the rain. The buildings which define our city, which, in part defines us, listening to the music of her childhood, now with her own child, more or less grown, in the same city as her childhood, sharing experiences that maybe have not changed that much, in the car, in the pounding rain in the same old dirty, sick, dirty, terminally ill city, not dead but dying, a city in a hospital on support, with funding tubes in its arms, a reality morphine drip to squeeze when things get too ugly.

It's clearing up now. Things are getting brighter. More people are out. It feels like a catharsis after a powerful experience. It feels like laying in bed after you've had sex. The energy and electricity are gone from the air, replaced by calm nothing.

$2,500,000,000,000

2009-06-04T23:41:00.002-04:00

Ben Bernanke doin' what he do best.

A look at the financial crisis, and the remedy, from noted theorist and friend TSwann (pronounced like Tsar).

$2,500,000,000,000

By Tyler Swann

We the people (Read: the government (editor's note: the democratically elected representative government chosen by the majority of the nation)) have just spent $2,500,000,000,000 on bailouts of all sorts. Whether those bailouts were the right remedy for our current economic mess is a debate for another day. Today I want to take a minute to think about that number that’s already down the tubes: two-point-five trillion. Let’s be honest, neither you nor I really have an idea how big that number is, but I’ll give it my best shot. To start, I’ve got to quote my boy Mitch McConnell (R-Ky): “To put a trillion dollars in context, if you spend a million dollars every day since Jesus was born (editor's note: Mitch McConnell would find a way to stick Jesus in there somewhere), you still wouldn't have spent a trillion.” Now multiply that by two and a half. Damn son. Maybe you’re more of a Buddha or Muhammad guy, but that’s a lot of dough.

For all the Penn students reading this, you could put about 12,500,000 kids through four years at school with that much cash. According to the EPA— though I have no idea how or why—a human life is worth approximately $6.9 million (editor's note: seriously only a Wharton student would use the dollar quantification of a human life as a source of evidence for a point). You could buy (?) 36,000. In the market for a good military conflict? Not only could you get an Iraq war, you could get 3 and a half! Since the point of the money is to stimulate the economy, let’s think for a second about productivity. On the agreement of his release from prison, Michael Vick is working a $10 an hour construction job to help ease his dog-slaughtering self back into civilized society. Even factoring in overtime pay (A brother’s got to pay the bills), you could hire his services for 19 million years straight. Alternatively, you could buy Mexico’s entire GDP (Chalupas on the house!) and throw in all of Australia’s too for good measure.

So what does this really mean to you? I think the most telling statistic is that this sum of money divides to $8,200 for every man, woman, and child in the US and that figure is growing in both principal and interest. It shouldn’t come as a shock that Uncle Sam is going to be looking to a certain generation to pick up the tab. Now I’m not suggesting you downgrade that grande mocha twist frappucinno to tall on your next run to Starbucks, but just keep in mind that that big bill is looming, and it isn’t going away.

Obama's Historic Speech To The Arab World

2009-06-04T16:20:00.007-04:00

CAIRO-President Barack Obama made a stunning speech before 3,000 people at Cairo University in Cairo this Thursday 04.06.09. In the speech he stressed that the United States and the Islamic world are not at war, just like parts of it. Most importantly, Obama revealed the fact that he is, contrary to the belief of the mainstream left-wing media, a practicing Muslim.

Barack chillin with his cousin Faroud Obama, President of Sauidi Arabia

The text from the introduction to Obama's speech below:
وأود أن أغتنم هذه الفرصة لأقول للعالم العربي والشعب في الداخل ، وآمل على الرغم من أنهم لا يستطيعون فهم هذا ، وأنا دائما ، والذي يعرض نفسه لإرادة الله. الله اكبر.

A rough translation: I would like to take this opportunity to say to the Arab world and to the people at home, although I hope they can't understand this, that I am and have always been, one who subjects himself to the will of Allah. Allah akbar. Allah is great.

Many were surprised at the President's candor. Although a good number of people have believed this for quite some time, few thought Obama would ever publicly admit it, and that he would just continue to take "breaks" five times a day for unspecified reasons. Many in attendance were also surprised at the President's perfect Arabic pronunciation. One man who could be reached for comment though, was not fazed. Jospeph Maincotton, below, had this to say, "I mean we all knew it before he got elected. But the gays and vegetarians voted for him anyway. It's no surprise this country is going to hell. Heck, Sarah Palin, God bless her, very nearly came out and said it publicly. Anybody with brains knew this guy was a closet Muslim. And you know what else? The people who voted for him probably won't even be upset by this, these people will volunteer to kill themselves just to appease the A-rabs."

Joseph Maincotton: Sometimes it sucks being right.

Obama went on to say that despite the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and its unmalleable, unquestioned support of Israel over Palestine, the United States is a strong ally of the Arab world. In support of this statement, both Obama and Vice-President Hilary Clinton donned "traditional Arab clothes" during segments of their trip.

Brobama (left) "dressing like the natives," Hilary doing the same, or maybe just like an elderly Jewish woman, tough to tell.

It is interesting to see how the speech will play around the world. Certainly it will be better than Bush. To start with, Obama mentioned "Palestine" instead of the Bush doctrine of referring to the "Palestinian territories" or "the place that shall not be mentioned," indicating support for the idea that Palestine is actually a place, which should exist. But as many have said, judgment on the Obama Administration's Middle East policy will not be decided on speeches but on the action they carry out and the objectives reached or failed. But today was a good start in bridging gaps and proving right hundreds of thousands of conspiracy theorists.

Obama supporters watch the President's speech in tense silence.

Oh Flo

2009-06-03T21:34:00.007-04:00

It's so hard to form a concrete opinion on Flo. And usually I'm so good at that. ICYHBWTALL Flo is the star of the series of Progressive Auto Insurance commercials. She combines a tremendous amount of enthusiasm about saving people money with a witty repartee with customers, as well as a subliminal sexuality that makes those 30 seconds between the banality of other commercials pop. If my description is lacking, see for yourself:

Flo's real name is Stephanie Courtney. Having two first names aside, she seems to have led a kinda boring pre-Flo life. She's from Stony Point, New York, which is I guess not New York City. She was in the Groundlings improv group in Los Angeles, which is famous in the improv world, although personally I don't believe that creativity exists in Los Angeles, or outside the East Coast really. She's 39. She just got married in November (booo!!!) to the lighting director of Groundlings as well. She has been a second rate stand up comedian. She's been in a couple of movies and shows including Mad Men and Cavemen and couple of other commercials. She has said about her cult following, which have called her things like 'babelicious,' "That is so weird." She said it takes about two hours to put on her makeup to do the commericials. Because of her adoring following, she has been signed for another year to do the commercials (yessssss). That is the last I will speak of Stephanie Courtney, because I do not want to think of her as a real person. To me she is just Flo, for better or for worse.

Flo is incredible in that she is able to walk the line between cute and annoying, frequently both. Some of the commercials she bubbles with personality, such as when she adds, "I wrote that myself" at the end of the above. But other times she's just annoying, and you wish Flo could just stop shouting or being so damn enthusiastic about being a cashier. At an insurance company. I mean, really. But there's something more, something deeper about Flo. There's a reason why she has a cult internet following, and probably a way bigger IRL following. It's Flo's inchoate sexuality. She's hot. Or is she? Isn't she really kind of ugly? No, she's definitely hot sometimes. No, but come on, seriously? Flo?! Flo? Flo.

Flo provokes such mixed reactions, prose alone cannot comprehend her, so I wrote a poem.

Flo
I can't get you out of my mind
When you come on after a smooth driving Lexus
Or talking puppets
Or that guy with creepy long hair that draws on whiteboards for UPS
Or cavemens

Flo get out of my head
It is not okay that you were in my dream the other night
Flo stop talking
Your voice is brittle and shrill

Your modish headband and garish lipstick make me swoon

Your clever comments light my fire

You should bottle your personality and sell it

Make it a brand that people could identify with the great name of Progressive

Flo your arms are fat
And you're old
And just shut up already
And, like, ew.

I can picture us together Flo
The two of us

Getting old together

Saving so much money

Flo I would buy you the most tricked out nametags

And one for the road.

Come on, what's she really thinking about?

Oh, look I'm posting about Veckatimest.

2009-06-02T08:53:00.004-04:00

Whilst I write this blog post, the Grizzly Bears are playing down at the Trocadero Factory Theater. It used to be a theater for monumental military victories, but when the area got gentrified it was converted into a theater but kept the name and the same "vintage" facade. But I digress. Much has been written about Veckatimest. It has been reported that The Grizzly Bears released an actual bear into Bucks County in support of the album. It has been reported that that actually didn't happen. It has been reported that Veckatimest is like srsly the best ever!!1! It has been reported that, no, actually, it kind of sucks.

My take on it is that it is pretty chill. I like listening to it. It's not revolutionary or new really even, at all, but enjoyable nonetheless. It reminds me of another, not so hyped-but-actually-pretty-similar band, The French Kicks. Specifically the song Two Weeks is basically a dead ringer for the song Piano from the French Kicks album One Time Bells, or their Young Lawyer EP. Like the beginnings of the two songs especially, if you listen to the first 30-45 seconds.

The French Kicks-Piano
Grizzly Bear-Two Weeks

So yeah. I liked the French Kicks.

On Veckatimest, I like the music in the song Dory but I don't like how Droste pronouces the words. He sounds British, but brah, you're from Massachusettes, chill, soundin extra pretentious.

I do wonder how much of the phenomenon that is Grizzly Bear is deserved. Could it be that for whatever reason they got tagged as a "cool" band, and that because of that people choose to like their music before they have heard it, because when they're with people they want to impress or become friends/secret crushes with they'd like to be able to talk about The Greazy Bears and have a connection with that person/people and also demonstrate their "coolness" by liking the Grizzles? And the fact that Grizzly Bear is easy to listen to, and pretty unobjectionable, in that what is there really to dislike makes it easier for these people to like GB. And an extension of that, how much of our music taste is comprable? Is all the music we listen to an extension of how we want to be perceived by others? Do we decide to like music that will make us fit in with a certain group of people? How come people who love country music all live in the south/midwest? How come people who like rap all live in the hood/suburbs? How come all the people who like DJ mashups all live on the internet (no offense Noah)?

Whatever. I give it a 9.0.

I think this will download, it might not, I'm still figuring out how to work a blog.
Grizzly Bear-Two Weekends

Caucasian "Amazing" Basketball Remix Video

2009-06-01T00:39:00.004-04:00

Lolz. [via okayplayer]. This video was made by Kno of the popular hip-hop group The CunniLynguists. It is a play off Kanye's song "Amazing", and sounds remarkably similar. In the spirit of the NBA finals (R.I.P. LeBron) I'll post it. It's seriously funny.

Kobe sucks.

John Yoo/Torture Protest

2009-05-31T08:57:00.006-04:00

On Thursday there was a protest outdide the Inquirer building at Broad and Callowhill ostensibly against the hiring of John Yoo to write a monthly editorial for the paper on legal issues but also against like everything. I mentioned it a couple days ago, but INCYHBPA Mr. Yoo is the principal author of the "torture memo" ok'd by the Bush Administration authorizing waterboarding among other "harsh interrogation techniques." The demonstration was also part of some bullshit leftist "Day of Action Against Torture" or whatever. But they did do a very realistic mock waterboarding (cool!).

Bro gettin' boarded

Of course, there was a device so that the "inmate" was not actually getting water boarded, it looked like a mask attached to the underside of the towel. But it was a good performance. I think that the 16 people who went and weren't only taking pictures really got a lot out of it, and probably reinforced their almost certainly solid opinions on the subject of torture and the Bush Administration as a whole.

Member of the local media (excluding the Inquirer, they couldn't make it outside the door to cover it)

That's my penis.

2009-05-29T00:22:00.001-04:00

Pour les lecteurs en France

2009-05-28T13:42:00.001-04:00

Je suis très surpris du nombre de personnes en France, la lecture de ce blog, et je me demandais si vous pouviez laisser un commentaire sur la façon dont vous avez ici, pour essayer de résoudre ce mystère pour moi. Merci beaucoup.

On Torture

2009-05-28T00:06:00.004-04:00

You may have heard the ruckus following the Inqy's hiring of noted sadist John Yoo to write editorials about legal issues. I know that many people have a problem with it, esp. on le blogosphere, including Will Bunch at Attytood and Philebrity, which is now boycotting. I think it's wrong that they hired him, because he basically made the torture policy at Gitmo, via writing the "torture memos" and is kind of and international criminal and should be tried under the Geneva Conventions for war crimes. But that's just me. For a more reasoned view on the subject of torture I turn it over to my esteemed friend and colleague, Jason.

I was going to write about ugly beards in baseball or whatever, so this is bringing up the level a bit here.

On Torture
by Jason Patterson

There are a few levels to the argument that I think require examination before one decides to pick a side in the torture debate. First, one must decide whether waterboarding as a technique even qualifies as torture.

Thankfully, this first problem I find easy to resolve. According to my understanding of the procedure, waterboarding is very simply the process of making someone feel and believe that he/she is drowning. On the face of things, I contend that such treatment is categorically torture. If the deliberate imposition of tremendous physical and/or mental suffering through the fear of drowning isn't torturous, then really, what is? (as a less-than-scientific example, ask people you know what their personally viewed worst way of dying is: a great many that I have asked claim it is drowning) Even if the prisoners experience no physical effects from the procedure, I would be appalled if any definition of torture excluded the use of mental anguish from actions which qualified.

I take great pride in discovering now that this conclusion could have been established (with probably much more authority) simply by consulting Wikipedia, which blatantly states that “Waterboarding is a form of torture.” Oh well.

Despite the fact that this first part has been rather the entire focus of the Democratic side of the argument (waterboarding is torture, “The United States does not torture,” ergo we should not have used waterboarding, lest we stop being the United States or something like that), the real crux of things only comes into play once the second issue (and the Republican side) is confronted: should waterboarding be used?

As mentioned, there is at least one clear way to go about deciding whether we as a country should implement waterboarding. Looking at things from a deontological perspective (D for Democrat, no less), one could easily adopt a simple categorical imperative against torture in all instances. If one chooses to do this, the whole debate becomes entirely centered around the first issue and the whole idea of “does it work?!” goes away with the thought-process going something like “Who cares if it works or not, it's not something we should be doing as a country!”

The Republican talking-point on the topic, however, has stressed not the idea that waterboarding is torture or not, but whether it works. The most frequent argument I have seen strategists make has been a consequentialist one: does waterboarding produce valuable information? Yes? Then it should be done, especially when that valuable information saves lives by preventing a terrorist attack.

Both of these positions have their pros and cons. In regular times, and perhaps even some extenuating circumstances, waterboarding (i.e. torturing) someone does not produce benefits that outweigh the costs (national image reduction, increased propaganda for terrorists, risk of false information, national morale, legal backlash, etc. etc.). So in these instances, perhaps the standard ought to be one where the presumption is a categorical “No” to waterboarding. Unfortunately, when faced with the prospect of the oft-cited ticking clock toward a catastrophe, the entire notion of categorically refusing to torture seems weak. The motivation to save someone's life strongly outweighs the possible negative image results of torturing people---we could be less popular in the international community and I would care very little if it meant we saved some lives.

The real solution to the problem is one which I think borrows from a more credible source, Michael Walzer. I don't have the time to detail his outline, but he wrote a great deal on nations attacking citizens during wars (essentially, state-v-state terrorism) in order to gain the upper hand in war. The model he proposes fits rather nicely in resolving the problem of torture. The anti-torture approach for the United States should be espoused and constantly touted as the policy of the nation: we should not legislate exceptions, and in basically all respects we as a nation should categorically say no to torture. Since torture should not be used except in the most outrageously difficult of situations, this will rarely pose a problem.

Now, I am half-borrowing from a Chris Matthews segment I caught a few weeks ago with this, but I liked the idea: when facing the crisis (Walzer's “Supreme Emergency,” if you will) the President should break the law and torture. His actions would not necessarily be morally right (in fact, they may be morally and legally wrong), but they would have to be rationally justifiable. By refusing to ever legally provide an outlet for torturing individuals (and, arguably, by doing something even after the fact) we would force the President and/or the CIA etc. to have to work their asses off to explain why they tortured anyone. I am fairly certain that the numerous times that we have used waterboard people thus far would not come close to passing a Supreme Emergency test, and thus they should be prosecuted: they broke the rules and couldn't put up a solid defense if they tried.

The real problem isn't whether we can ever conceivably torture someone in order to save thousands or more lives. The problem isn't whether waterboarding is torture. The issue is under what circumstances we should employ torture and not be entirely outraged. Employing it in any scenario where it is not the ABSOLUTE last resort passes neither the consequentialist (i.e. utilitarian) nor the deontological test.

/////

Here is Christopher Hitchens gettin' waterboarded!

P.s.

This post requires an addendum. There are recent reports about more pictures from Abu Ghraib showing rape, sexual abuse with tubes, wires, and truncheons on the part of American soldiers to Iraqi inmates. Wow. Also, pretty closely related, there's a protest tomorrow against John Yoo outside the Inquirer building at 400 N Broad at 4.30. I think I will be in attendance. Seems like this stuff is coming to a head right now. Bad timing and decision making on the Inquirer's part.

Will Africa exist in 100 years?

2009-05-27T00:00:00.004-04:00

I just read this article in the Atlantic Monthly about how civil war in Congo is destroying the ecosystem in that part of eastern Congo near Uganda (which still hasn't visited here, although I kid you not I've been getting more hits from France than from here, but anyway...) The article said that all the fish have been fished out of the lake, the elephants have been killed, and the hippos are losing population, resulting in more hunger and more overuse of the limited resources. The author, Delphine Schrank blames the war:

By now, the internecine wars of eastern Congo have acquired a haunting familiarity: rebels plunder the country’s natural riches, and the looting feeds a cycle of impoverishment, corruption, and violence. But in Vitshumbi, more-elemental changes have been complicating the pattern. The hippopotamuses started falling first. Then the elephants. And now the fish are disappearing, too. An ecosystem seems to be unraveling.

It sounds horrible. But don't sentences like the following seem all too common?

And so the villagers have been forced to eat the small, bony fish that they once would have tossed back into the water as trash.

I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time this has happened in Africa. All I think about in Africa is AIDS, malaria, famine, and desert, which btw is expanding every day and is like gonna reach South Africa soon. I have read stories about the diamond trade being run by rebels in wherever, who basically expolit the people who live there, who don't receive the benefit of living on top of like, a diamond mine, and are also starving.

I think in the future, everyone in Africa will either have left/be dead and the continent will be a barren wasteland. What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish? None. In the future people will visit Africa and take tours of the places that were once inhabited, like the 'mids. In the future Africa will be the failed continent. In the future the buildings in the cities might still be standing, but there won't be anybody in them. What do you think?

This Modern Life

2009-05-22T16:03:00.001-04:00

Very bored at work. I decided to write a short poem/instruction manual for when people from Uganda learn about computers and do not know how to use them, like the movie God Grew Tired of Us when they crush Ritz crackers to make grain or whatever.

E-Mail is mail

mp3s are CDs

Hype Machine is radio

Blogs are newspapers

Facebook is the phone

Craigslist is commerce

Pop-Ups are billboards

Hulu is TV

Keyboards and knobs are musical instruments

Skype is talking

Lookbook is fashion

Sparknotes is reading.

I'm international

2009-05-22T00:00:00.003-04:00

A lot of times in my life, I run into people or have meaningful interactions with people and they do not know that I write a blog. Many people do know, but even they may not know that people from other countries visit my blog. Yeah, I am an internationally read blog. What up Budapest, Hungary. Peace to mis amis in Cannes and Paris, France. Keep holdin' it down Zambrow, Poland, wherever the fuck you are. I luh you Barquisimeto, Venezuela, and holla at Canada. I almost didn't include Canada, cause that's like hey! I got a hit from New Jersey!

Zambrow, Poland. One of the computers in one of these tiny houses has glanced at my content.

It is an honor to be so famous, but honestly, I won't be happy till I get Uganda. Do they have computers? Can they read?

Seth Williams wins: goodness and righteousness prevail!

2009-05-20T00:59:00.002-04:00

"I'm just a bro tryna drink a beer and be D.A. namsayin?"

The election of Nutter followed by Rendell followed by Obama followed by Williams has left a surprisingly good taste in my mouth about politics. Is it possible that we are moving in the right direction as opposed to Street/Bush/who used to be governor? Ridge? Wasn't he something important for Bush? Homeland Security I think. Point is things are looking up politically, hopefully we'll start seeing some results (the "green" trashcans are cool but are not cutting it, Nutface.) I hope that Seth's idea for community based prosecutions is carried out and works. Wouldn't a safer city be sick? Although maybe then I'd have to stop feeling superior to the Penn kids who are too afraid to venture into real West Illadel.

In the election, Williams received approx. 41% of the vote compared with 30% for McCaffery. McCaffery was polling significantly lower earlier, but his late cash injection from Johnny Doc and the unions as well as giving himself $200,00 helped pay for TV ads, which prolly helped his cause, specially among Irishers. Specifically the one ad that said, "I'm Irish. Are you Irish? If so, you should probably vote for me. Y'all love my bro. I promise to be a candidate who isn't black."

Also I was all ready to say the the Metro is the paper of the future for the city until this ran across its news feed:
"Personal trainer gets fat for study"
Like srsly guys?

And just speaking about Obama, this was funny:
http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/32848-ummm__we_aint_trying_to_start_nothing__but_michelle__girl__have_you_seen_what_the_white_house_receptionist_looks_like.html

But one final note. This election was a big deal. Consider that before Lynn Abraham, who had no further ambition beyond D.A. three of the previous four have been: the current Chief Justice of the PA Supreme Court, Ed Rendell, and Arlen Specter.

Broken Social Scene is making a new album!

2009-05-18T23:57:00.004-04:00

Oh man oh man. I didn't even love their last record Broken Social Scene that much, but this is so exciting nonetheless. The band's website/blooooooog reports that they are recording a new record in Chicago and that John McEnroe is the producer. That's cool I guess. I wonder if it will be a tennis themed BSS album. That would be like an amalgamation of all things I love in this world.

One of the reasons I love Broken Social Scene is because you can hear how much they love making music, and it comes across how positive they are, and you know what sometimes it's nice to hear people being genuinely happy. We don't have to hate/be indifferent-apathetic toward everything. It is cool, acceptable to be enthusiastic about things. I think this video materializes that which I'm talking about.

The new album: Over/Under 8.3 on Pitchfork?

Federer Beats Nadal 6-4, 6-4 ON CLAY

2009-05-17T15:13:00.003-04:00

Wowzers.

ICYHH Federer beat Nadal in the final of the Madrid open in Spain this morning. I'm rill excited about this cuz Fed hasn't really been winning of late, and a lot of people have written him off as washed up. Basically rooting for Sauce these last two years has been hoping that Nadal loses before the final so they don't have to play each other. So this is big.

I realized I haven't blogged in awhile (although I have started two posts and not completed them) because of moving and what have you, so I'll post a couple extra pictures.

Bros bein bros

Mirka attempting to hide her
obese arms and holding on for dear
life before Roger realizes he could have
married someone who doesn't weigh nearly
as much as him.

Ok I'm sorry but which one does not belong?
Marat Safin's girlfriend (left), Brooklyn Decker Andy Roddick's fiancee, Mirka surprisingly not eating

Animal Collective: "The greatest band in the history of all time."

2009-05-12T13:06:00.004-04:00

Hey yo. I heard that The Animal Collectives are playing a set at The Electricity Factory tonight. I'm attending, and in my enthusiasm, I'm posting a music video the band made. Enjoy the tunes!

Also, they played on the David Letterman program recently, check it out!

I paid $25 for the ticket but I think its marginal utility is much higher, and in fact my marginal benefit of the ticket is closer to the $40 range, but due to falling demand, I got a nice consumer surplus. WORD UP.

Dave said they're "critically acclaimed" but I don't really hear people criticize them. Actually I'm pretty sure that's against the rules. It's cool though that Dave doesn't give his guests free passes. Like Joaquin Phoenix.

Why is everyone hating on Asher Roth?

2009-05-10T16:07:00.012-04:00

I've been listening to Asher Roth's brand new song Why I Love College for a couple of days now and I really don't get all the hate aimed at him. He seems like a really deep dude who has something to say and wants to create timeless music while avoiding human papillomavirus.

Please listen to the following, I don't know how to embed a music track yet, or if I even can on blogspot:

http://hypem.com/#/track/813646/Asher+Roth+-+I+Love+College+NEAR+DARKs+Alpha+Beta+Bleed+Remix+feat+Jane+Bang

I think with this song he is trying to rebel against the hedonistic culture too prevalent in our society. Roth's opening sequence, in which he repeats "I danced my ass off" over a "clubby beat" is a stark juxtaposition to the following sequence, where the clubby beat is traded in for a darker hook where the words do not synch exactly with the music. With this repetition and juxtaposition Roth is ironically demonstrating the futility of a culture driven by such things as "dancing my ass off" "getting fucked up" and "passing out."

His referencing of popular basketball players indicates that he feels pressure to be accepted by minorities, as he is a rapper/MC who is "white" (isn't race really a construct?) I think he includes Allen "The Answer" Iverson to show minorities that he has street cred (since a.i. is the most hood basketball player ever) and Hakeem Olajowan to show that he has a deeper knowledge of basketball, not just a surface "I just checked the scoring leaders to see who I should talk about" mentality.

(Hakeem on the left with his bro, Shaq)

In the song, Roth begins a verse with the line, "I can't tell you what I learned from school / But I can tell you a story or two" indicating his frustration with the state of academia in the United States. Roth really just wishes that he could have gotten into Penn State-Main Campus where he wanted to pursue his dream getting a degree in nursing with a minor in Anthro but didn't get in due to AfAction (another reason he wishes his skin wasn't the color of toilet paper) and instead went to West Chester and got into rap. The admissions process really does suck (I'm still bitter University of Browns.)

Roth's counterpart on the track is Jane Bang, whose verse deals with issues of consent. In the verse Jane Bang adopts an ironic tone, peronifying how a "typical guy" sees girls at "typical party." I liken her highly sexual lyrics to those of Peaches, and group them into the same proto-feminist genre, with Jane Bang leaning more toward the hip hop side and Peaches staying indie but really just women singin about dicks or whatever. I looked up Jane Bang because I thought she "sounded hot" but turns out she's kind of lame. Oh well.

I once heard someone rhetorically ask, "Who wakes up at ten though?" I do. Or earlier. I suspect others do regularly as well. Especially if Conn College is anything to go by.

What do you think? Pro or con Why I Love College?

Should I Have Put These On My Xanga?

2009-05-08T11:29:00.008-04:00

Just thought I'd share two of my recent "conceptual pieces."

#1
I wrote a poem inspired by this photo my friend is tagged in on da book.

I saw a funny and poignant picture on the internet
I loled for days
and nights
just sitting in my room
loling.

#2

I'm watching two sparrows fight in the park

One is shaking or twitching and the other one is lunging at it.

The first one hops away and the second one jumps at it again

They are differently colored and I think the one springing is male and the one showing off is female.

Last week I watched males in basketball jerseys or other, similar tanktops and backwards hats and shorts look at females wearing dresses or tanktops and sunglasses

I think that without the rules our society has created

The males would be pouncing on the females that were showing off.

And maybe that's not "wrong."

Or maybe we should stop being hung up on what's right and wrong.

DAG DAG DAG DAG! Manny Ramirez Suspended 50 Games

2009-05-07T13:59:00.002-04:00

Manny was suspended 50 games for violating the MLB drug policy.

Sorry, no time for a real post today::: econ final.

Seth Williams Holds 22 Point Lead in Latest Poll

2009-05-06T11:42:00.005-04:00

According to Young Philly Politics, Seth Williams (above, in full neck fat glory) holds a 22 percentage point lead over the other candidates in the race for District Attorney. As it stands, he polled at 37% of the vote with the next two challengers, Dan McElhatton and Dan McCaffery, at 15% and 13% respectively. In case you missed it, this has been one of the most exciting races in Illadel recently, complete with Seth getting kicked off the ballot in March by Dan McCaffery in a mind-blowingly slimy distillation of old school Philadelphia politics. It was an incredible ruling by a judge who supposedly has ties to McCaffrey (whose "issues" page is a full 7 sentences long) which was overturned not too much later. I love that McCaffery really may have given Seth a boost because it put his name out there more, and most stories and editorials were sympathetic to him. It reminds me of the FBI and Street back in 2003 with the bugging of his office, except that Seth is a good guy, and the charges were bogus.

I worked on Seth's campaign this winter and met him last spring when we were both volunteering on the Obama campaign, and he struck me as a genuine person, which is rare among politicians. He is a really easy-going guy in person and is one of the few politicians I have faith in. It may have to do with the fact that he has never had to get elected for his office before, I don't know, hopefully he doesn't morph into sleazy politician.

The D.A. is probably the second most important job in city government, and with crime and the murder rate as they stand, serious changes need to be made. I know that Seth's plan for community-based prosecutions will make the system more efficient, but we need changes in our society and systems to actually fix the problems, not just prosecute people. I don't want to get carried away on this point, maybe I'll do a more in depth post on it in the future, but 25% of people in Philadelphia are living below the poverty line and it is no coincidence that the poorest places are the ones with the most violence.

The primary is on May 19th DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, this city is seriously fucked up and needs some changes.

Camden: The New Fishtown

2009-05-05T11:30:00.005-04:00

I've been saying it for awhile. In 15 years Camden will be Illadel's Brooklyn: across the river from downtown, cheap, filled with "poor" white people earnestly working on their first EP/Mashup/DJ Mixtape. As gentrification pushes out from downtown (NoLibs is for yuppies and Fishtown will soon be the same way) it will eventually spill over the river in a big way. I have spent many hours in Camden (Tweeter Center) and really see a city waiting to bust out. This morning's Inquirer highlights that the Camden transformation is already underway. The article gives a couple good reasons Camden is a solid bet for improvement, one business owner's take:

"If you go to big cities like New York and Philadelphia, the economy goes up and down," George Trimis said. "In an area like this, the economy can't go down, it can only go up."

Well said. And really it's true. Camden's prices can't get any lower. They have lowered sales tax to 3.5% to make it easier for businesses to grow. I don't actually know if 3.5% is low or not, or what Philadelphia's is, but it's advertised on the city's website, so I'm guessing it's good. I took some pictures with my hi res camera.

The scenic Camden skyline
(from across the river, natch)

Eventually gentrifiers will run out of room, and then it's Camden's turn. It's only 4.5 minutes from downtown Illadel by car or one really fucking annoying ferry ride. Also, it's the not most dangerous place in the country. Yes, Camden does still have some negative attributes:

Camden City Council

But things are looking up...

I Gave All My Fat Clothes to My Fat Friends

2009-05-04T17:25:00.002-04:00

This is a snippet, or rather a youtube memification of a snippet of an ad that ran during the Super Bowl, which became a catchphrase around here due to its incredible douchiness.

But then I clicked on the original whole commercial and it wasn't quite as funny.

I hope that I do not suffer such tremendous tragedies in my life, or consequently if I do, that I am able to overcome them and be reborn into a complete d-bag.

So I Got Punched in the Head by a Buck-Ass Naked Man This Weekend

2009-05-04T12:47:00.003-04:00

I visited my friend at Conn College this past weekend for their Floralia festivities. It can be reasonably said that a good time was had by all, Santogold and B.o.B played and were spectacular. Some people said that B.o.B was better but this is false, they had probably never heard of either one and thought Santogold was "weird." (Her mixtape with Diplo is awesome.) A few notes:

The ConnColl kids woke up really early. I'm talking 7.30 AM and earlier and started drinking immediately upon rising. A particularly interesting ritual was a beer in the shower. I wonder if it is a regional thing.

At some point in the afternoon (I think I was heading back for a nap before the nighttime shows began) I ran into one of CoCo's best and brightest who was 20+ Natural Lights into the day. He was about to shower after having been highlighted with blood from a cut on his head which he touched and then apparently subsequently touched much of his chest and face, for they too were streaked with blood. He said something I interpreted as sarcastically antagonizing cause I didn't want to give is bloody fist a "pound" and I responded with, "What, you wanna go?" He didn't get the sarcasm through his drunkenness and came at me, towel falling off and everything. I don't remember precisely what happened, I think I ducked his first swing and then he got me on the head with the second one before I ducked into my friend's room. I'm recovering well.

I stood on a bench near the front for Santogold's set. I stood next to a girl named Ana who was kinda cute but a tiny bit "thick" and told me she was a dance major. I wondered if she was actually bad at dancing because most dancers I have come across are thin and flexible and can jump and so forth, attributes I did not see her possessing. Anyway she was nice and I was grateful because I had taken her friend's spot and she didn't give me a hard time. The view from the bench allowed me to take some cool pics with my new DSLR.

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